This sermon, delivered on Sunday, June 12, was written by Rev. Nan L. White before learning about the Orlando tragedy.
The quote in your order of service by Ruby Plenty Chiefs is one to take heed today as I attempt to answer the questions a few of you have asked me to address in my sermon. She said, “Great evil has been done on earth by people who think they have all the answers.” I know, without a doubt, that I do not have all the answers. And, I believe you hold the answers to your own questions and that the gift of time and experiences can reveal the answers, but since you responded to my invitation and you asked nine questions I will attempt to answer your questions today. I also believe that my attempted answers to your questions are only a tool to nudge, poke, or prod your consciousness in a way that might be helpful to you.
It has been said that no one has died from asking questions but many have died from the answers. So, to be clear, no one should die today from asking your questions. Only time will tell as to my death however …
All the questions except for one were raised by women. And if you don’t like these questions or my answers, I suggest you read the commencement address by James Ryan at Harvard
School of Education where he poses 5 questions to graduates encouraging them to ask as they go out into the world and that they begin “to cultivate the art of asking good questions and resisting the temptation to have answers that are ready.” He reminds them that Einstein said “if he had had hour to solve a problem, he’d spend the first 55 minutes determine the proper question to ask.”
Each of the nine questions you posed I’ll read in its entirety though I won’t identify who asked the question. If you want to out yourself feel free to do so at the picnic after the service.
1. Is our RVUUF community religious or is it in some way moving to a “spiritual community”? Are we a community of faith? etc.
Short answer is yes, I think the RVUUF community is religious and it’s spiritual, and you are a community of faith. The longer answer involves defining 3 words that are often loaded with emotion, history, and projection for most UU’s. Those three words are religious, spiritual and faith. Words you may or may not like, depending on your experience. Before I define the 3 words, let me say a little bit about how these words are loaded with projection.
I’m aware that while I speak there is a projection of authority placed upon me as minister, of course, since I am a minister. And depending on your history with ministers or your relationship with me as minister, that will impact how you hear my responses or not. I say that to point to how often, as human beings, we tend to project responses on to people and it can skew our hearing.
Sometimes we only hear what we want to hear. It’s called selective listening. Or we listen only in a stance to defend or disagree. I’ll never forget a time when someone came up to me after a service and said, “I disagree with everything you said.” And I responded with, “is your disagreement about ‘what’ I said, or what you ‘thought’ you heard me say? I’m aware that often what I say is rarely heard in a way that is pure, free from projection or attachment to a belief held by the listener. What I say, you hear through filters, and to be fair, the questions you’ve asked me, I read them through a lens of filters as well. Our emotions, experiences, and history with words plays a part in our speaking and listening, so it’s a wonder we can be in the same room together.
I think that is the beauty of being a Unitarian Universalist where our embrace of diversity includes our diverse meanings of words, and the emotions and experiences behind them.
So sifting through our filters will be a part of your asking and my answering questions this morning, and I think the picnic will be a wonderful place to share our filters with each other over a game of water balloon tossing.
The etymology of the word “religion” from Latin is religare, which is a combination of re (to return or to repeat) and ligare (to tie or to bind). So that religion can be understood as
“a reconnecting to something important.” Drawing from the language of Marshall Rosenburg and agreeing with Rev. Cat Cox who frames religion as a ‘strategy’ I think religion offers the rituals, structures, and beliefs in order to have a spiritual experience that is larger than myself.
The word “spiritual” comes from the Latin spiritus which means ‘breath’, I agree with Rev. Cat that spiritual means a quality of consciousness that is inherent in the human need to be deeply connected to our core (seat of our emotions and character) and to be connected to that which is greater than the sum of us all, yet present within each of us, as Forrest Church describes it.
Unfortunately, the word “spiritual” can be heard as code for believing in a patriarchal God. That kind of code serves no one.My experience tells me that when people say they want to be part of a spiritual community I think what they are referring to is not a patriarchal God but a felt experience of something larger than themselves.
Abraham Maslow, founder of humanistic psychology and who developed the theory of human motivation, known as Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs, talked about how people long for what he termed as the oceanic experience, like when you’re at the beach, or in nature, or on a mountain top or witnessing the birth of a child. It’s a quality of experience of connection.
The word “faith” means trust or confidence in someone or something. I can tell you that if I did not think you were a faith community, I wouldn’t be standing here today, and I’m guessing many of you wouldn’t be here either. A faith community is one who holds the value of trust.
Religion, spiritual and faith, clearly three words with punch and power for Unitarian Universalists, and I believe it’s time to reconnect to these words in ways that offer a deeper connection to each other and to the principles we hold dear, taking back religious language that we have the power to reframe and that can bring deeper meaning.
2. “It seems that those of us who are not ‘spiritual’ people and who are ‘in a good place’ philosophically in our lives (not anxious about who we are or who have a need to ‘search for meaning’) aren’t being well-served. We are not people who have a need to meditate or chant songs. I always get this feeling of anxiety at RVUUF services that we all feel we are all ‘lost’ and need to constantly seek ‘our spiritual place’ in the grand scheme of things (that “soul matters” — it doesn’t for me!). I had enough of a different kind of guilt when I was growing up Roman Catholic — the ‘you’re never as good as you could be’ type. I don’t need this different kind of guilt in my life. How would you address this ‘lack of need’?”
I think you are spiritual because you breathe the same air all human beings breathe and you carry the life force of energy, atoms, molecules, as we all do, and you’re life is connected to people and animals and plants that surround you everywhere you go. You are a part of the web of life and I don’t think you are separate, or set apart from the rest of us. Your experience of not being well served at RVUUF is because you say you have no need to meditate or chant songs, you don’t have the need to search for meaning, because you don’t feel lost and your soul doesn’t matter to you, and guilt doesn’t do it for you, all of that: I don’t think you are alone in all of that either.
Steven Hawking, a scientist who put together a show on PBS called “Genius” goes in search of the center of the universe and his search is all based in science. What he finds is that the center of the universe is everywhere and it’s joyous and beautiful and its connection. I translate that to my non scientific mind to mean that All is One and One is All and the challenge for everyone is to not surrender ourselves while at the same time deepening our connection to those around us. Your question and your presence among RVUUF tells me you long for connection of some kind whether it be friends, intellectual stimulation, community, to be around children or old people, or be surrounded by good music – I think the leadership and I would be very open to collaborate and brainstorm with you and others like you about your unmeet need and try to figure out how to meet your need, which sounds like a search for meaning for you that could include joy instead of guilt. Many here, including myself, in the religious lives we left behind know what it’s like to have been abused with guilt, and I think it goes against what UUism affirms and promotes, so the question about guilt needs a deeper and longer conversation than time allows today, but something I would offer us to consider.
3. Do UUs WORSHIP? If so: WHAT? when? how? and why? If not: can UUism be called a religion?
Von Ogden Vogt, one of the greatest twentieth-century Unitarian liturgists, titled one of his books The Primacy of Worship. And more recently, the Rev. Wayne Arnason
and his wife Kathleen Roleenz, co-ministers of West Shore Unitarian Universalist Church in Cleveland, Ohio and co-authors of a book titled Worship That Works: Theory and Practice for Unitarian Universalists, wrote beautifully what I think gets at this question:
“We too believe that worship is primary; all other activities and purposes of congregational life emerge from its worship life. We believe this is true not only regarding the institutional realities of church life, but also regarding how a congregation interprets its identity and articulates its mission.
Institutionally, worship is primary because without some form of regular worship service, there is no church community. You can have focus groups that talk about how to be a church. You can have lectures that offer new knowledge or prophetic engagement with the issues of the day. You can have religious education classes to teach the doctrines and values of your tradition. You can have social events and fund-raisers and parties that build community. You can have service projects and social justice demonstrations that engage people in living out their liberal religious beliefs. However, until you open the doors for public worship, no one in the world, inside our tradition or outside it, is going to identify you as a church.”
Years ago I attended two seminaries, one Baptist and one Presbyterian (1o years apart), I was introduced to the word ‘worship’ defined from the Old English (weorthscipe) which means worthiness, acknowledgment of worth. Worship is when you hold up something or someone of worth, and as UU’s who affirm the inherent worth of human beings it stands to reason that many might think all UU’s are humanist, because we believe in the worth and dignity of humans, but it could also be understood that for UU’s worship is not about holding up a person, diety or God because we all don’t believe alike. However, we do hold up the worth of religious community and how valuable it is to be in community and how worthy we each are to belong to a community, and as a UU community who holds up the 7 principles as worthy and of worth we then try to live the principles and share them with the world. Coming together on Sunday is of worth to members, friends and guests who want to connect or reconnect to their core, their essence, to that oceanic experience of something larger than the sum of us all through music, message, story or readings. Worship at RVUUF offers a place for anyone to come here and feel worthy and in todays world where we struggle with being good enough, smart enough, fast enough, what a gift to be able to ‘be enough’ even if just once a week, and surrounded by a community who values our worth.
4. How does compassionate communication make us better UUs? How do its tenets fit our principles?
The tenets of Compassionate Communication stem from Marshal Rosenburg’s Non Violent Communication; and the last two years at RVUUF many of you have been working with Cat Cox, a certified trainer in NVC, who titles her work with UU congregations as “covenant based collaboration and conflict resolution”. As a covenantal religion our ability to collaborate with each other is paramount, and the ability to act and behave in ways that are built on relationships and connection rather than in a vacuum or isolated is critical in living out our faith. The core idea in this work is that all of us have the same universal human needs: for connection, autonomy, meaning, safety, order, clarity/understanding, and that everything we do is a strategy to meet our needs; and the goal of covenant based collaboration is authenticity, openness and compassion for oneself and for others which offers (using Rev. Cat’s metaphor of the air mask on a plane) the means for learning to adjust your own air mask before you assist others. This work is a culture shift that teaches us how to connect with ourselves first, and from that place, our core, (soul, essence) we will have a far better chance to connect with people and be able to hear what matters. Isn’t that what UUism is all about, compassion for all including ourselves and connection to ourselves and to the world around us?
I read a reading from the back of our hymnbook on Friday when we hosted Muslims for dinner: “We are not isolated beings but connected in mystery and miracle, to the universe,
to this community and to each other.” Hosting the Muslim community was a strategy to fill the need for connection, understanding, and meaning. How’s that for living our principles?
The idea that your needs are not getting met here is where we (the ‘we church’) get to practice covenant based collaboration because we are in relationship. Getting to the heart of what matters to you and to me is the challenge we are faced with daily because our tendency is to go to strategies first before we learn what really matters. Rev. Cat reminds us that first is the relationship and second is the issue, which takes me to another question that was asked.
5. How does our first principle build social justice?
This is when UU’s tend not to address the relationship before the issue because the issue, whatever it is, justice, peace, immigration, reproductive health, ethical eating, homelessness, poverty, we UU’s go head-on to the issue without building the relationships and we’ve learned through our work in civil rights that it was the relationships that gave the issue meaning and then empowered us to do the strategies of sit ins, marches, and protests. The other piece we are not very good at as human beings is understanding that when we do find a way to understand what matters it does not imply agreement but it does build crucial connection, mutual respect and goodwill which is the beginning work for finding solutions. I love that the new Interfaith coalition is building relationships with each other first, valuing the worth each brings to the table, before they go address an issue.
6. Is there any chance Rev. Cat might be able to start a new Tuesday night group in the fall to address our compassionate communication skills and problems that come up between members? I’ve very much enjoyed the 10 sessions we had this past year, and this seems to be an on-going need, to improve our ability to express our needs, wants, and communicate them even in the face of fear or what ever. If not with her, maybe we could start a group locally too, that meets once a month.
Yes. There will be a 9 month video conference class with Rev. Cat on the 3rd Tuesday of every month beginning September 20th at 6pm-7:30pm. The Board, the Committee on Fellowship Ministry and I believe this work has been instrumental in shifting our thinking and behaving in ways that are covenantal based while offering the tools to become conflict resilient, in our personal lives and in this community. I encourage you to sign up for the 9 month classes that will cost you as little as $6 per class, and limited scholarship money will be available for first timers. Additionally I will be offering a monthly meeting to practice the skills we’ve learned and anyone who has taken one of her classes in the last two years can sign up to meet face to face with me.Watch for News to Note and the web blog for more information about both opportunities.
7. I’m wondering if an open forum with the minister is a possibility … not on any topic but a respectful dialogue between the minister and us members who have things to say would be helpful/ and or possible?
I continue to offer myself to everyone if you have a need to meet with me. I’ll admit that your phrase about members having things to say to the minister does make me aware of my feeling cautious, because when I hear that, I envision me, the minister, being put on the stand so you can throw darts at me, especially after trying to answer todays questions. However, in spite of what I envision in my head, I am open to respectful dialogue to make our connection stronger between usand I trust the faith community will be open as well. Maybe a monthly coffee or tea meeting under the balcony would be a strategy to help fill that need.
8. The congregational meeting on May 22 was remarkable to me, in that it lifted up a major shift in the feel of how we do business, as contrasted with the first such meeting I attended, in 2006. Would it be a positive thing to somehow reflect these changes back to ourselves, for the perspective of both longer term and newer rvuufians?
I wasn’t around in 2006 but many of you were and I would be interested in hearing your comments on the positive changes in your annual meetings, what they are, how do you understand the change and what it means moving forward. I’m a believer that in any meeting a time for process observation is a gift, in that it allows in the moment a time for learning what went well and what needs more work. Such an observation communicates that it’s not only the leader of the meeting who is responsible for a meeting to go well. Each person in the room plays a part and no matter what kind of meeting it is, we are all challenged to stay connected ourselves while offering our disagreements so that what matters in that meeting gets addressed. It’s hard work, but effective and much more meaningful and true to living our principles.
9- “what do you think awaits us after our physical bodies die?”
Your guess is as good as mine. I do not know but I, like you, would like to know so that when I get frightened or find myself believing that death really is the end of what I know as I know it today, an answer would help. But knowing that answer doesn’t exist, I’m left with bringing myself back to the moment I am in now. The breath, the spirit, the core, the soul, the life of now is really all I know about. Byron Katie, another spiritual leader whose work I value, she would ask, ‘who would you be without the thought that when our physical bodies die we’ll never know what happens?’ and my answer to that is I am more peaceful in this moment.
Ah, it looks like I’m not dead yet, which must mean my answers weren’t deadly. In closing I have two brief readings, but if you’re wondering about James Ryan’s five questions to the Harvard graduates:
1. Wait. What? (can bring clarity)
2. I wonder why (curious about the world) or I wonder if (might lead to improve the world)
3. Couldn’t we at least…….(gets you past disagreement)
4. How can I help? asking with humility how you can help recognizing others will likely help you as much as you help them.
5. What truly matters? forces you to get to the heart of issues and at the heart of your own beliefs and convictions.
Closing readings, one is from Parker Palmer, another spiritual leader I admire and learn from, and he writes:
“We are like plants, full of tropisms that draw us toward certain experiences and repel us from others. If we can learn to read our own responses to our own experience we can receive the guidance we need to live more authentic lives.”
And from Reshad Field a English mystic and spiritual teacher, who said:
“It takes courage to ask a question and truly pay heed to the answer…from the highest level to the most practical level, all real questions come about from the pain of separation, the separation from the answer…..we are merely instruments through which the question can be asked and through which the question can be answered.”
Thus ends this service on questions.